What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object? A passive aggressive rant happens somewhere in the universe.

And today, it just happens to be right here, ON MY BLOG.

Passive aggressive rant #1 : Why aren’t you married / Why don’t you already have kids / Why are you not seeing someone?
I appreciate your concern and I need you to know that I’m in a “happy situation” right now. I am not suffering. I am not depressed. I am not wanting something I do not have (except maybe a cello. A cello and a chocolate fountain). In short, I daresay I’m enjoying where I am right now while I’m getting to wherever I want to be in life. And when I meet someone, I’ll know it and yes, I’ll be ready for marriage, kids, the whole works. But if (as your worries go) I do not meet anyone, it wouldn’t make me any less happy because my happiness is not dependent on a person or thing — AND READ THIS: it’s not something I’m mindlessly repeating but something I practice. So, really, don’t worry about me. I promise you:  I will be happy, I will be satisfied with life, I will enjoy myself and I will NEVER be that crazy, old, unmarried cat lady.That or your money back.

Passive aggressive rant #2 : Linguistics? Does that mean you teach English?But you’re so smart. Why are you doing language? Will you make any money after graduating? Why aren’t you a doctor?
Two things : 1. My life, my decisions and 2. Educate yourselves — linguistics isn’t all to do with language teaching and no, I am not an English major. I speak, read, understand and/or write in English, Bahasa Malaysia, Bahasa Indonesia, French, Russian, Portuguese, Spanish (because of Portuguese). I understand Mandarin and Tamil, having studied both languages for 6 years each. I am learning Hebrew. I plan to one day learn Arabic and Urdu. I am interested in translation studies, cognitive processes related to language, etymology, psycholinguistics and polyglotism. I’m not pursuing a PhD to up my career options nor am I doing this because it’s glamorous .. I’m doing this for fun. Yes, you heard me right. I enjoy doing this. Well, it’s not all fun and games .. there are times when it’s arduous, grueling hours of pure sweat and blood but that’s what I like doing. It’s my vocation. My call in life. And how do I know this, you ask? Because I actually turned this decision over thoroughly before going with it. Because I turned down a scholarship to do engineering. Because it’s something I feel strongly about. Also, to answer your question, I’m not a doctor because I’m not great at dealing with sick people day in, day out and the scent of burnt skin makes me throw up. I’m horrible at blood (fainted after the needle at a blood donation drive) and I get squeamish at things like pus and gangrene and festering wounds or maggots on skin. I think doctors and nurses are nothing short of being one of the noblest people around. I love people and I love helping people but I will not make a good doctor. I should stick to writing, learning, researching and staying clear off hospitals. As for the money … I don’t like to talk about it but since we’re on that topic, I make a pretty good living as it is and the bonus — I enjoy doing what I’m doing even though it tires me out. And about being smart … I don’t know how you gauge “smart-ness”. If it’s any good, I teach Physics and Math to O- and A-level candidates, I’m pretty good at Math (no kidding), I graduated with an above 3.91 CGPA, I’ve never had to pay a dollar for both my first degree and my PhD candidature.. so .. if that helps you with the “smart” thing, then good. Otherwise, I’m not your level of “smart”.

Passive aggressive rant #3 : Why do you let Elfie sit on the furniture / lick you?
Elfie, my (sister’s) dog belongs here. It’s her house just as much as it’s my house. If she’s in her house and chooses to sit on say the table/chair instead of on the floor, it’s alright because like I said, it’s her house. You’re being really rude when  you tell her to get off furniture and to be on the floor because you’re the guest here. Plus it’s not like she’s dirty/slobbery. She’s well-groomed, doesn’t stink and she never leaves the house – bonus: she doesn’t shed! So stop with the complaints. It’s hard for me to bubble-wrap your rudeness and hand it back to you.

Passive aggressive rant #4 : Why don’t you drink alcohol/eat pork? Are you trying to be Moslem?
As a joke, I pretend I’m “halal” but really, you’re either Moslem or you aren’t. There’s no try. And for the record, no, I’m not Moslem. I do not like the taste of pork, beef, venison, mutton, etc. I eat fish and chicken though. It’s a matter of personal taste and you don’t have to make everything a religious issue, you know. I’m also allergic go alcohol, both consumed and if applied on skin. It doesn’t bother me because I don’t care for alcohol. I also don’t feel like I’m missing out on it because I have worse things to facilitate a cause for addiction. Like chocolate.

I guess I’ll leave it at that. And now you know the answer to that paradox of a question! Phew. Thought it’d never be solved in this lifetime.